Dear WTF:

While listening to one of my favorite Carpenter’s songs… I noticed that one of the lyrics is: “Why do birds suddenly appear, every time… you are near….” BUT: I have also seen “The Birds” by Alfred Hitchcock and so am confused as to the message here. Can you help?

Confused

Dear Confused

I’m in a really bad mood and this is a really dumb question. What message? Where? That a word or phrase can’t express or symbolize two different, yet similar things? Have you been to school? Fuck that, have you been outside? I can’t imagine you weren’t called an asshole at least once today. You can talk shit, but that’s entirely different than actually spewing feces.

Or were you wanting me to explain Carpenter lyrics and Hitchcock movies? No big mystery there, pardon the pun. The birds are, well actually, just birds. In one they want to be close to you presumably because you’re so wonderful. In the other they want to be close to you presumably because you’re fun to attack. So? Apparently you can’t trust birds. Maybe they want to sit there and look cute. Maybe they want to poke your eyes out. More than likely, they just want to shit on you. Welcome to the real world. We all want to do that.

Why don’t you let me know when you’ve moved on to Captain and Tennille lyrics and then we’ll delve into your psyche and get somewhere really interesting. In the meantime, you may want to know that new music and movies have come out since the 60’s and 70’s. You should have a listen.

JT

JT wishes you were a bird as she has a pocketful of Alka Seltzer with your name on it. Email further stupid questions to WTFWJTD@gmail.com.