Wtfwjtd,

My dumb boyfriend says all lesbians like stickers and pets, but I think they just like beaver. What do you think?

Curious

Dear Curious,

This the kind of thing that keeps you awake at night? Pets I can see, I guess. Never met a lesbian that didn’t have one or ten roaming around the house. I think it’s in the handbook.

But stickers? Paper that has a picture or saying on it with an adhesive backing? No one told me about this rule. Is this cuz I put all that crap on the back window of my truck? Had nothing to do with liking them, I just can’t stand you driving behind me watching every fucking thing I do. I might need to play air guitar, or light something up. I don’t just have a random sticker fetish where I go around plastering everything I see with rainbows and unicorns. Where does your boyfriend even get this shit?

You’re kind of not a whole lot better, though. We only like beaver? Only? If I could pick one thing for that proverbial desert island, well yea. But vodka and pills are pretty fucking important too. And you know I love my cigars. And cupcakes. Chocolate cupcakes. And don’t even fucking talk to me in the morning without a latte in your hand.

You know, there’s a whole bunch of shit I like. What I don’t like however, is breeders and their stupid stereotypes about things they know nothing of. It’s simply a coincidence that I drive a big truck, am fat with shortish hair and happen to like flannel shirts and big comfortable shoes. And who doesn’t like female firefighters in uniform. They’re fucking hot already!

Instead of thinking you know who I am or what I like, why don’t you go home and enjoy your grocery store flowers and rented DVD. Maybe a walk on the beach holding hands and if you decide to put out, there’s got to be at least ten minutes of cuddling in it for you before someone wonders what the baseball score is.

JT

Want to listen to some Melissa Etheridge or just kick back and watch Ellen with JT? Email your availability to WTFWJTD@gmail.com.