Dear JT,

So I’ve got another pressing question for you!! Last week my boyfriend and his friend dared my best girlfriend and I kiss each other. Does this automatically make me, like, a lesbian, or something? I figured since you’re all about the donut and less about the churro you’d be the perfect person to ask.

Smooches!!!!

W Sea Celebrity

Dear WSC,

Another pressing question? Are you thinking we’re friends now?

I’m going to go with b) or something. Based on previous correspondence, the likelihood of you having a boyfriend is probably non-existent. Hot, conceited, crazy may be appealing for some, but I don’t think a meaningful relationship is exactly what’s on their mind. I also have a feeling the only donut and churro in your life are actual donuts and churros. The ones you eat I mean, right before you purge. Such a waste.

I suppose if I cared, I would ask why you keep conjuring up these imaginary scenarios where you are, coincidentally, the star attraction. Some form of pathological narcissism seems to be involved. Interesting funfact: true narcissistic personality disorder is one mental disorder that is NOT treatable with pharmacology. As far as I’m concerned, if you’re going to be crazy skip this flavor. If you don’t get drugs, what’s the fucking point?

As you know, I don’t care, so I’m going to go smoke a bowl and have some donuts. With sprinkles.

JT

Got any weed?  Email it to [email protected].