JT -

I recently turned 21 and want to learn how to drink like a professional. You funblog people apparently drink a lot and I thought I might be able to hang out with you guys to learn the ways of the cocktail. Is that cool or not?

CR

Dear CR,

We only have so many slots available for the current drinking season, and right now they are all occupied. This is a very popular, citywide program and applications must be received during the prior quarter, in order to even be considered. You can can still submit your information and we will place you on a wait list, but your chances of getting called in for our competitive drinking are pretty slim.

Do you have a sponsor? Someone who is currently a funblogger in good standing who might be willing to write you a letter of recommendation? Otherwise, our internal review process is fairly stringent.

It begins with passing your photo around at our weekly staff meeting. A two thirds majority must not recognize you from any one night stands. This is followed by a public reading of your essay on why you think you deserve to be a professional funblogger. We will be looking for inappropriate usage of the word fun, with particular emphasis on funbags and funsticks. Perhaps even a funhole here and there. If you make it this far, we will invite you to an endurance round. This is a timed event to see how long it takes to finish a pitcher of beer. You are allowed to retake this portion once a week, so I suggest you practice in the interim.

If all goes well, you should be drinking on a daily basis with at least one of our professionals, in 3-6 months. In the meantime, remember all are welcome at our amateur event every Thursday from 6-9 PM at Big Al’s Brewing.

Good luck, and Happy Birthday!

JT