JT,

There is a large, corporate, coffee conglomerate here in the Seattle area. Why do I hate them so? I LOVES me some coffee, don’t misunderstand. But those chipper, happy, programmed “barflies” who run the operation make me want to throw my steaming hot cup of coffee in their faces. Now they’ve introduced a new instant coffee product -it rhymes with DIA, and let me tell you, frankly, it gives me gas -bad.

I mean, this is Seattle. WEST Seattle at that, right? Why would anyone waste their money on that crap? Where the fuck does JT get coffee?

-Joe

Dear Joe,

I am sensing a lot of hostility surrounding the term large. Do large things bother you? Do you have large envy? Is this a large problem in your life? Is your obsession with large things getting in the way of you performing everyday tasks? Do you find yourself depressed over large things three or more days a week? Do you abuse alcohol and illicit drugs, in an attempt to feel larger yourself? Well good for you.

I really have no where to go with that. I was just curious and found I largely enjoyed asking. I myself, have no difficulties accommodating large things. In fact, being a large girl myself, I find I require large things to feel truly satisfied. People often say, size doesn’t matter. I think I said it myself when stating official funblog policy. I was lying. It does matter. Between you and me, when women are by themselves, it’s all we can talk about. And when asked, what is the one quality in a partner you most desire, the answer is always the same. “Greet me every morning, with a steaming, hot, large, mug of coffee, and a big, thick, large, chunk of chocolate cake.” The more you know…

JT