Dear JT,

I recently found out that my best friend of 28 years, who is married, has been having an affair with another great girlfriend of mine, apparently for the past 16 years. She’s on her fourth marriage, and I have to question her dedication. She says that she needs more than her husband can give her, and thinks it’s perfectly fine, because she’s cheating with a woman. I don’t think its right for her to hide such things, and I feel pretty damn deceived myself. I had no idea what was going on there, and feel completely stupid, and perhaps a bit jealous! Our friendship is heading down the toilet, and I don’t know what to do. I’m thinking I should find some better friends.

Third Wheel

Dear Ms.Wheel,

I fucking hate these kinds of women. Hide behind the societal approval of a straight relationship. Denigrate the value of females by dismissing an affair as not counting. Depriving their poor clueless spouses the opportunity to video tape the occasion. And… worst of all, so selfishly thinking of only their own needs. I feel your pain. Here you’ve devoted years to both of these relationships, and do they once consider a threesome? Fucking bitches! They can have each other.

You’re better off, and yes, absolutely new friends. New funfriends, like myself, who would never treat you so callously. You would always be welcome to have cheap, meaningless encounters with each and every one of us. And of course, if genuine, heartfelt, emotional bonding is what you’re after, we certainly have enough alcohol for that as well. Please, come join us anytime.

JT

Have some extra x-chromosome adrenalin to burn off? Email JT at WTFWJTD@gmail.com!