To Whom It May Concern (including JT; excluding everyone else):

Where. The Fuck. Are you?!!!!

This is the biggest week in the history of the funblog and you’re nowhere to be found. We’re opening the door for KEXP and their Hood to Hood 2010 event, IN OUR OUR VERY OWN FUCKING BACK-FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING YARD!!!! Because West Seattle KILLED IT! The Funblog is cooperating with KEXP on this. This is HUUUUUUGE. We only know how to cooperate with YOUR MOM.

And you’re out of town…  You’re fucking out of town?

This better motherfucking fuckety-fuckin’ fuck be fucking good….

{{HUGS}}!!!,

Pete Seazle

(Full Disclosure: Fake Hugs)

Dear Mr. Seazle,

I understand that as a fake editor of a fake news site where I coincidently write a fake column, you think you’re all that and can talk to me this way. You can. Mostly because I really enjoy the word fuck and you showed an expert level in proper usage. But here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to fake give a shit. In case you’re not exactly sure what that looks like, it’s what your girlfriend does every day.

And another thing, FUCK YOU, you fucking fuck. Where I come from we don’t air our dirty laundry and personal “family issues” in a public forum. For instance, I haven’t told anyone that you prefer to wear pink stripper heels and lace panties while being the bottom. I always thought that was up to you to disclose if you were so inclined and I would never betray the sacred trust I thought we shared. If you had an issue with my fake work performance, you should have taken it up with me privately.

As to my being out of town. WHO. THE. FUCK. Do you think you are to question my allegiance to to all things West Seattle Funblog? Do we not have an Austin Chapter of the funblog because of you? I realize you don’t give enough of a shit about these people to show your fucking face, but some of us do take our fake responsibilities seriously. I’ve learned if you want a good performance out of your staff you need to do a little stroking. I happen to prefer the personal hands on approach over phoning in it like most dudes.

I’m beginning to think even your name, Mr. Pete Seazle, is a fake.

JT

Pete Seazle is hereby issuing one demerit. To Luigi Linguini. For not letting Pete know this was an approved vacation and subjecting him to this verbal bitchslap in public. Send your virtual hugs to JT at WTFWJTD@gmail.com.