WEST SEATTLE, Washington, February 7, 2012 (WSFB) – My Boyfriend Wants to Spend Time Alone with Female Friend.

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years. We have just started living together and things were great. For awhile now, he’s been wanting to spend time with a friend of his that is now back in town. She’s single, female, and yes he wants me to come along SOMETIMES so I can get to know her, but he also wants there to be times where they can catch up ALONE. In my opinion, I think it’s inappropriate. He has plenty of girl-friends that he can see, no problem, but I have already pointed out to him that this meeting up alone thing, hurts me, and I have asked him to respect my wishes. This has resulted in nothing but fights and tears. He say’s I should get over it. Yet he says he loves me and that she is just a friend and that I should respect a friendship that’s been going on for 13 years. He hasn’t seen her in almost 2. Should I back off?

Bouncer:

Want to know the best way to get me to do something? Tell me not to.

It’s true. If you tell me not to pull your hair, you better prepare to get it yanked. If a buddy tells me not to hit on his hot cousin, that’s exactly what I am going to do, and hard. If a drunk tells me I can’t throw him out of the bar, I’ll probably throw him into the wall first just on principle, but then I’d throw him out of the bar. If the sign in the zoo says “Please Don’t Feed the Penguins” what do you think I do? Wrong! Fuck those guys, what has a penguin ever done for me? I ain’t giving them shit.

But your boyfriend is right, you need to get over this. You’re smothering him so much that he can barely breathe (and not in the good way that involves boobs and motorboat sounds). You’re saying that he has plenty of female friends to hang out with and you’re okay with that, but you’re deciding that you don’t want him hanging out with this one because it hurts your feelings. And not because she’s rude to you, or acts the bitch or anything, but just because you somehow feel it’s inappropriate?

Imagine for a moment that life is a movie. Not a really good movie like Gladiator, but one of those stupid TwinkleTwilight Blood Moon movies where everyone is super effeminate and super angsty. The more you keep hounding him about hanging out with this girl, the more that him and this girl, as well as the rest of the audience, is going to see you as the unreasonable bad guy and start rooting for those two to get together in spite of the obstacles you’re putting up.

Look, maybe they DO have feelings for each other and they are trying to sort them out. Or maybe there’s nothing like that at all and soon enough they’ll drift apart like friends do. Either way, you are trying to force the issue instead of letting it play out. It’s going to play out one way or another, for good or for ill. The best thing you can do and hold your head high and let him do whatever he needs to, feeling confident that no matter what, you’re the one he’s coming home to at the end of the day.

And if he does end up dumping you for her, you can always go to the zoo and feed some hungry penguins to make yourself feel better.

Blonde:

I think it’s fine for dudes to have friends that are girls, and vice versa. I have lots of dude friends that I love spending time with and have absolutely no feelings for. The fact of the matter is, they would never come in the way of any personal relationship.

The problem lies with the fact that this has become such a big deal that it has resulted in fights and tears. If the relationship he had with this girl was strictly platonic, I don’t understand why it would be so extremely vital that they spend their quality “alone time” together, especially if it clearly bothers you to such an extent. You’re right, it is inappropriate. In my opinion, the majority of long-standing friendships between opposite sexes are often times more than they seem. There are almost always underlying feelings involved with at least one party. This is absolutely not always the case, of course, but if it weren’t, you have to ask yourself why it would be causing such a rift between the two of you.

The ideal situation here would be that this girl would come into town, and rather than you being the one that gets to “tag along”, SHE would be the one that gets to “tag along”. You are his main lady, not her. He should most definitely respect your wishes and be sensitive to the fact that this pisses you off. Imagine if he were in your shoes. One of your “best guy friends” comes into town and all-of-a-sudden it’s detrimental that you spend lots of alone time with him. Not okay. Perhaps he does just want to spend some time catching up with her. I understand the desire for one-on-one time with a good friend. The issue is though, he needs to understand that now that he has a girlfriend, it’s just not gonna work like that. It’s selfish to think otherwise. I’ve dated guys who have remained friends with exes, or who have just had girls that were some of their best friends. A lot of times it really depends on the situation. I’ve been fine with boyfriends of mine having lunch or coffee with a girl friend, because I trusted them and I knew that if I wanted to catch up with a guy friend of mine over lunch or coffee it would be no big deal. I even dated a guy whose best friend in the world was a girl. The situation was different, though. They spent all their time together before we met, they lived together and had been like brother and sister for years. She was his one true friend, and that was it. It would have been different if some chick came into town out of the blue, and my man was insisting on hanging out with her without me, claiming they needed “alone time”. Nope. No thanks. You can both suck it.

If your man can’t seem to wrap his brain around the fact that this shit is not only annoying but hurtful, he is a total fucking idiot and you should kick him to the curb.

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