WEST SEATTLE, Washington, March 26, 2859 (WSFB) – Zenok Roboticar here with your West Seattle weekend from the year 2859.  According to the Glyborg 3000 advanced integrated weather realgram we’ll be seeing 85 degrees and sunny today.  I’m assuming this is your first space rodeo so let me explain a few things; in the future [...]

WHITE CENTER, Washington, March 25, 2010 (WSFB) – Parallel parking is like masturbation: either you’re good at it or…. okay, bad analogy. Some people just plain suck at it, that’s for sure. Any major metropolitan area will provide ample evidence of this inherent lack of parking skills. Seattle is no different.
But apparently White Center is [...]

wtfwjtd,
What am I doing wrong??
Sincerely,
Seriously, what?
Dear SW,
I love this kind of thought provoking question. Topical, informative subject matter. Descriptive background information. Multiple options to a potentially volatile issue. Compelling emotional plea.
It’s these occasions that really challenge my intellect and drive me to seek out new life and new civilizations; to boldly go where no woman has gone before. Perhaps, [...]

WEST SEATTLE, Washington, March 24, 2010 (WSFB) – West Seattle resident Steve Haakonsen was walking down California Ave. last Tuesday night when he was attacked and bit by what witnesses say was a “vampire” and possibly “The Count from that kids show.”
“I never thought it would happen to me,” Haakonsen said.  “I’ve watched Twilight a [...]

CEDAR PARK, Texas, March 24, 2010 (WSFB-AC) - Like most women I have struggled with my weight off and on for years. I lose, I gain, I bitch, I buy stretchy pants, I stick my finger down my throat, I take laxatives, I buy Ipecac syrup and tell the cashier at Walgreens that I think my [...]

Dear WTF,
I have a strange desire to go from blonde to brunette. I know that blondes have more fun, but brunettes remember it later. I’ve also heard brown goes down. So, I’ve been trying to weigh the pros and cons but I am having trouble keeping score. Which hair color do you think I should [...]

HOLLYWOOD, California, March 22, 2010 (WSFB-AC) – Pretty Pony member and beloved children’s icon, Rainbow Dash, is facing certain jail time after being arrested last week for public intoxication, colorful rainbow vomiting, and false impersonation.
Dash was taken into custody at the California border town of Tijuana, trying to re-enter the United States after being turned [...]

Dear WTF:
I don’t like people. I have a secret desire to carry around a toy gun just to whip out and scare them off. What do you think?
Annoyed
Dear annoyed,
Excellent idea. Be sure and get one that looks as realistic as possible. Find a crowded public place and wave it about in an “I’m crazy”, but [...]

WEST SEATTLE, Washington, March 17, 2010 (WSFB) – West Seattle Police Department Homicide Detectives were called to the new High Point Ramada on Tuesday to investigate a seemingly implausible death.
Said Sargent Louis Cipher of the West Seattle Police Department, “The victim’s identity is not being released at this time, pending notification of next of kin, but it seems Ted Bjornsen [...]

Dear WTF:
Due to the tragic Killer Whale trainer death, I am literally terrified of all fish now. I find myself afraid of feeding my goldfish for fear that they will jump out and rip my face off. What should I do?
Missy
Listen Missy,
Don’t be ridiculous. It was a fucking KILLER whale for christ’s sake. When someone gets [...]