Archive for ‘March, 2010’
Written by JT
Advice
Mar 18, 2010
Dear WTF:
I don’t like people. I have a secret desire to carry around a toy gun just to whip out and scare them off. What do you think?
Annoyed
Dear annoyed,
Excellent idea. Be sure and get one that looks as realistic as possible. Find a crowded public place and wave it about in an “I’m crazy”, but [...]
Written by Pete Seazle
Local
Mar 17, 2010
WEST SEATTLE, Washington, March 17, 2010 (WSFB) – West Seattle Police Department Homicide Detectives were called to the new High Point Ramada on Tuesday to investigate a seemingly implausible death.
Said Sargent Louis Cipher of the West Seattle Police Department, “The victim’s identity is not being released at this time, pending notification of next of kin, but it seems Ted Bjornsen [...]
Written by JT
Advice
Mar 16, 2010
Dear WTF:
Due to the tragic Killer Whale trainer death, I am literally terrified of all fish now. I find myself afraid of feeding my goldfish for fear that they will jump out and rip my face off. What should I do?
Missy
Listen Missy,
Don’t be ridiculous. It was a fucking KILLER whale for christ’s sake. When someone gets [...]
Written by Pete Seazle
National
Mar 16, 2010
BOSTON, Massachusetts, March 16, 2010 (WSFB) – In the West Seattle Funblog’s never-ending mission to spread funmanship to the masses “that side” of the West Seattle Bridge, an endeavor was undertaken over this past weekend to garner support for the creation of a Boston Chapter.
Luigi Linguini once wrote, “If you’re going to cross the bridge, then really [...]
Written by Pete Seazle
Local
Mar 15, 2010
WEST SEATTLE, Washington, March 15, 2010 (WSFB)
Hey, Al-Qaeda bozos,
You douchenozzles have gone too far this time. By kidnapping Luigi Linguini, you have violated all that is sacred within our world, in general, and all that defines funmanship, to be specific. Your atrocities against our leader are way out of line and your actions will not go [...]
Written by ezb
Local
Mar 13, 2010
WEST SEATTLE, Washington, March 13, 2010 (WSFB) – Beach Drive, the popular waterfront road that follows the water in West Seattle, thinks you are too poor to drive on it and hopes you take California Ave. to get from one end of West Seattle to the other. “If you are driving anything even resembling a [...]
Written by Pete Seazle
Classifieds
Mar 12, 2010
With St. Patrick’s Day right around the corner, it’s time to start planning your party attire! Sure, you could simply wear green, but that’s the slacker way out. You’re actually Irish and you need to flaunt it!
With our new line of “Proud to be Irish” t-shirts, you’ll be the envy of everyone at Fado or [...]
Written by JT
Advice
Mar 12, 2010
Dear WTF,
Is it wrong to think you are falling for your advice columnist? She is abusive and has none of life’s answers, but doesn’t give a shit. What is love anyway? I thought it was lust with an emotional attachment. Am I wrong? Do I need therapy?
Help me, please.
Dear Help,
Here’s what I tell clients when [...]
Written by T4Toby
National
Mar 12, 2010
WHITE CENTER, Washington, March 11, 2010 (WSFBWCC) – From deep inside the tortilla plant on 14th Avenue Southwest, local evolutionary biologist Hans Grubersteinenmen has discovered that giant car maker Toyota may be less at fault for the recent spate of deadly car wrecks involving it’s iconic hybrid Prius than it may seem.
Citing biological research into [...]
Written by ezb
Local
Mar 12, 2010
WEST SEATTLE, Washington, March, 12, 2010 (WSFB) – Crime happens every day in West Seattle, but car prowl and car theft seem to be two of the most common kinds. However, there are some very secret obscure tips that you may not be aware of that can prevent possessions within your car, or perhaps your [...]